Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
