I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm passing your future prison.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
