So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
