My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
