Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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