You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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