its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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