I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize