I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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