Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
