I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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