I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my shit smells like andre
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
