I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
