well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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