I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
