I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
