So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
