There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
