capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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