If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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