she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we're making bets on your personal life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
