ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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