We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize