Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
