I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
