piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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