someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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