3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
birth control should be required to get into college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
