A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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