I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
