literally had 100 drinks last night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
