So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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