I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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