remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
