and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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