her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
