Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize