So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
