Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
