Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
