is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize