Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
