I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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