Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
