So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
