I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize