He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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