He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
