Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
