whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
