that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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