You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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