How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
