And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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