woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
