your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize