I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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