I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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