Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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