I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
