I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
