Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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