I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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