My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
