you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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