dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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