Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
