Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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