Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
