just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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